Top Six Things

Top Six Things I Have Done While Sleepwalking

1. Searching the room/bed with a flashlight for hyenas/rats/hornets/feral cats

2. Sitting straight up, shouting, “Holy motherf*cking sh*t”

3. Standing on the bed, trying to disable an imagined camera in the light fixture

4. Attempting to adjust the curtain rod with a screwdriver while fake-laughing at a joke someone told

5. Holding up the shelves above my bed, as they had turned into fur and were about to fall

6. Standing on the edge of the bed, jumping off, and ending in a full Olympic dismount